Breaking out of Powerlessness

I spoke with a young lady this evening who is dealing with a lot of stress and she is very frustrated with her situation. I've known her for a little while, and this was much the same many months ago. She's not a bad person by any means. She has a lot going for her, except for herself. That's the team member she's missing.  She has fine ideals and a sense of direction, but runs herself down dead ends by focusing on things beyond her control. What others are doing, what courts have determined, or anything or anyone that she has no control over.  I feel for her, and wish there were some magic wand I could wave and make everything as she wishes.  But I don't have one of those, none of us do.

So, I listen to her, and comiserate with her because that's what I can do.  It doesn't change anything, but maybe it makes her feel better that someone is listening, someone cares,  but as I said it doesn't change anything.  A couple hours, or days, weeks, months later I hear the same script. And I'll be dammed if I don't find myself listening and wishing for a magic wand again that I still don't have.  She's frustrated, I'm frustrated, and there's no reason to believe anything will change. How could it if you're focused on things that you cannot control? You render yourself impotent, a passive spectator of your own life, rather than the helmsman of your course.

As a child, you were hopefully fed, clothed, and cared for by loving parents. All the choices were made for you and you had no role in the decision making process. As a young adult, you took on a larger portion of this responsibility, and as a fully matured adult you bear the complete burden of responsibility. That responsibility is commensurate with control. In other words, the more authority one possesses the higher their level of responsibility.  By focusing on the actions or views of other people, we surrender control, avoid responsibility, and remain in the chains of powerlessness. 

"Be nicer than necessary to everyone you meet. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle." - Socrates