Andy, I'm sorry.

I never really liked the kid.
I suppose, I never took the time to like him.
He wasn't the kind of kid that was easy to like.
He had problems.
We all have problems, but Andy’s problems were different;
more extreme, less tolerable, more numerous, and less solvable.
So, he never put effort towards solving them. Life isn’t fair, so what’s the use?
Victim or victimizer… those were his choices.
Andy made a choice.


I never liked the kid or his choices.
He had a way of making his problems the problems of others.
If someone wronged Andy, he would complain bitterly to any who would
offer a shoulder to cry on.
A shoulder placed him within reach of his next victims throat.
That was Andy's indirect method of problem distribution.
His direct method was far more insidious and destructive to his victims.





Andy lacked empathy.
Empathy is the natural whisper within that urges us to,

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Empathy allows us to feel another sentient being's pain, joy, loss, sorrow, and victory.
Without shimmering empathy, people like Andy are very hard to like.
We “speak” empathy on the spiritual, social network Nepesh.

(Go ahead and click it or you'll miss the whole point, just like Andy. Remember, it's an action, not a thing!)

Empathy was gibberish to Andy.
The whisper from deep within 
which restrains us from barbarism 
and all other valedictorian studies 
at the Serpent school fell silent. 
His sins became more egregious, 
more irritating, and without a doubt, 
less forgivable in the world of the Living. 
He was a corpse. 

Someone planted a feral seed 
in Andy the victim. 
That crooked sprout tormented the boy 
in which it took root. 
Given darkness and time, 
rage and age metastasizes like cancer. 
Changing victim into victimizer.
Before the Bitter harvest could reach maturity, 
some tried to intervene 
by battering, disciplining, or transforming 
the foul maturing fruit. 
Others tried to sweeten the nectar 
from within and through Nepesh, 
but Andy’s isolation fire-walled intimacy. 
Love finds no safe harbor, 
only embargo by a swift and strong unnatural Defense. 
Strength through Power projected, fabricated Strength.

Down, down the spiral, 
a victim steps into the skin of perpetrator 
to seize a crown by force.
Force through fabricated, overrated Strength.
Power; his lost crown.
Down, down into Darkness go.
Into battle go.
Pierce the flesh below.
Hunted is now the hunter.

A veteran blooded by his own… blood 

and of those who lingered near his cold, dark hollow.
A forlorn bunker home once made of flesh.
The space where he was armored 

and invulnerable to all those alien feelings. 

Feelings not his own.
His castle had been like ours, 

just more sullen, ever thinning, and dimming.
Isolation is a mindset, 

and his mind was set in twisted iron and jagged concrete long ago.

He was a castaway 

and sole survivor of a tragic shipwreck 

He began as crew and eventually took the helm.
But his vessel had taken on water, 

tattered sails, and an empty galley.
He was weighed down, dragged down. 

He couldn’t catch a following wind 
with his best attempts.
He was always hungry.
Starved ravenous to the point of madness.
Nothing could fill that breach.
Everything could not fill that chasm.


I never really knew the kid, 
and I never made the effort to know him.

If I had, would it have made a difference 
in the course he set?

I will never know, 
because he took his own life the other night.
That was the last choice he made 
and my first regret 
concerning Andy.

No one spoke his praise,
No one bore his tears,

and no one noticed that his cold, dark hollow
was empty. 

Andy, I'm sorry.